|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Lam Family Update:
Ethan: Our avid Kindergartener with a love and joy for learning and school. The artistic one whose drawings are maturing at rapid speed. He recently did a drawing that even resembles the strokes of Vincent Van Gogh (and he'd never even seen any of his works before.) He's still OCD but Kindergarten is definitely forcing him to embrace flexibility. He's a little social butterfly, friends with everyone in his class and a handful more on the playground. It's so cool to see him growing and maturing, doing more complex math and reading! Ski season is starting and he is looking forward to Saturday morning dates with Daddy on the slopes.
Cameron: Uncharacteristic to his energetic, crazy self at home, he is actually painstakingly shy at Preschool. While he loves school and comes home everyday excited to share with me what he did, his teachers say that he is super shy with his classmates. So we're working on "initiating," where every day he asks at least one friend to play. So far it seems to be going well. He is our little academic, quite easily keeping up with Ethan (and oftentimes surpassing him, although we try not to say it in front of them.) He is a tender heart and helps out a lot with his little brother, singing to him and playing with him if I've got to get some things done.
Logan: Takes after his two big brothers and is jumping on the growth chart. At 6 months now, he is 75th %ile and rising at 18 lbs and 27 inches. He loves to watch Ethan and Cameron play and run around like crazy. He just laughs out loud and gets tickled with joy. He is always so happy and as true for most youngest children, being forced to learn what it means to be flexible, go with the flow and wait his turn. With two teeth and 3 more breaking through, he loves eating (he can eat a whole banana in one sitting!) and is always trying to grab whatever we are eating out of our hands.
Simon: Just turned 30, but still a young kid at heart! He works hard and is a wonderful husband and Daddy when he gets home.
Lois: Running a household for 4 males is keeping me busy, busy, busy! =) And I LOVE it!!!
So, what's up with you, friends? | | |
| So, I've had several people ask me what happens when I sit in my month of "confinement" after giving birth. It's an odd Chinese tradition, especially from the standpoint of people who are not Chinese (cue white friends looking at me with eyes as wide as saucers, heehee!) I think these traditions and foods stemmed from the old days of China... and well, I'm not actually even sure about the meaning of most of them. But I figure, in the first month of the baby, I'm not really going anywhere anyhow, so why not give it a try if it's going to better my health in the long run. So the overall goal is to repair and heal your body from the trauma of giving birth so that you will have good health and a strong body in the future.
I've done a modified version... since I simply could not adhere to some of the more strict - extremely old fashioned - rules:
The first thing I did NOT listen to was not taking a shower... for a month!!! In the old days, women who just gave birth were not allowed to shower for fear that the wet cold would enter their pores and cause them to have a lot of cold wind in their body which would lead to poor health in the future ("fung sup" for the Chinese). A Chinese family friend who is a doctor told me this was silly thinking for the modern Chinese to follow. The rationalization was because there was no heat in China and you would be cold after bathing. So if you did need to wipe down (who wouldn't after giving birth?!), you had to do it with hot water with ginger slices in it. This includes not washing your hair for the month either! I'm not sorry I showered and washed my hair the next day in the hospital! Rebel, I know. What can I say, we have the invention of heat and blow dryers.
The second thing I also did NOT follow was not drinking cold things. I can't tell you how many pitchers of ice water I downed after giving birth. A lot of times, I get made fun of for being like a "see lai" (old Chinese woman) and drinking plain hot water, but not after giving birth. Man, that cold water tasted good. And even now, every time I nurse, I down a 30 oz. pitcher of water and countless pitchers in between. For me, it's easier to guzzle cold water than hot water. Hot water is for sipping.
Ok, so what did I follow?
For breakfast, lunch and dinner, I've eaten a big bowl of rice with chicken, fresh ginger and rice wine. I don't know the reasoning behind this meal, but my mom said something about it "bo sun" (heal your body) and the heat from the ginger and the wine is good for you. My mom started by making a small Chinese rice bowl for me - not bad, right? Then they subsequently got bigger (cereal bowl) and bigger (soup bowl) and bigger (dinner bowl). Needless to say, maybe this is why it's hard to lose the post baby weight.
Also, I've been obedient in drinking the Chinese soups. The first kind I drank was "mook yee" - chicken, fresh ginger, rice wine and black fungus. It was supposed to help cleanse my body of the blood and other "stuff" (I don't really know what "stuff") in my body from birthing. This was every day, every meal for the first two weeks. I didn't mind though because it's actually pretty yummy. And I like the black fungus.
Then my mom threw in some other soup to heal my body: chicken with... (take a deep breath people and don't call animal rights activitists on us)... deer antlers. Now, my mom is good at making soups and masking smells of strange Chinese herbs, but this one just smells like... well... deer. I have to take a big breath and just gulp it down. Can't think about it too much or else I gag. And not to mention the grainy particles at the bottom of the bowl. Oh, gag...
And my newest soup is "mook gwa" - fish, fresh ginger (notice the recurring theme of lots of ginger?), peanuts and papaya. This one is actually quite yummy (even the boys have drank some). This is supposed to increase your milk supply. So, I figured, if it's yummy anyway and it's supposed to do something so good, why not? (except that it's summertime and all this soup makes you sweat a lot - which actually isn't so bad either - now that we have AC again and you're trying to lose weight!)
Probably the worst thing to eat is "gerng cho" - black vinegar and lots of ginger that has soaked with (again, beware those weak of stomach) pig's feet (yes, actual pig's feet) and hard boiled eggs for months before delivery. This renders the pig's feet and eggs pretty much hard as a football and impossible to eat, although you're supposed to try. The flavor of the vinegar and ginger over rice though, isn't so bad - in moderation. But when you have to eat a huge bowl of it in one sitting, it gets to you. I tried eating the pig's feet and after eating one... um... foot (and I consciously had to prevent my brain from thinking about it at all and just kept chewing, chewing, chewing...), I finally gagged and had to give up. Plus, it gave me massive indigestion (you would too if you ate something as hard and chewy as a football!) and seemed to affect the baby after nursing.
And other than eating things, you're not supposed to go out anywhere (real hardcore Chinese women stay in their rooms laying down for the month - some even roll a towel and stick it under their door so... no air can get in? Who knows! But this is why your mom comes to help you for the month. Who can afford to let their house go to shambles for a month?! And who would cook you all this stuff you're supposed to eat? And take care of your elder children? Anyway, I digress...) But I broke that 4 days after giving birth since I had to bring Logan for his post-delivery pediatric check up. I've tried to stay home as much as possible though, but I admit, we've hit up Target and even snuck out to dinner (C'mon! It was Father's Day!) But when I am home, my mom badgers me to lie down and rest. She's been really great about keeping our home together. She hasn't let me do any house chores or lift heavy things (things that are supposed to affect your uterus contracting back).
All in all, I've been good this time around in following most of the things I'm supposed to. I figured it's my last child and following it couldn't hurt if it's going to improve my health for the rest of my life! Right? So, maybe it'll take a little longer in losing the baby weight, but I've already lost 20 pounds, and I figured after 3 months of nursing, my metabolism should really kick in... and then the pounds will just MELT off, right?? hahaha!
So, that's that. Looking forward to when the month is over and I don't have to feel guilty about going out and can meet up with friends. But I will miss having my mom around. How am I going to take naps whenever I want... or need! And it's been pretty nice that the house is kept clean, meals are cooked, bathrooms are scrubbed, laundry is done and folded, kids are taken care of... sigh. Simon tries to convince her every day to live with us forever. hahaha! How nice when Cameron comes bouncing (literally, he is like a rubber bouncing ball from the instant his eyes open) into our room at 6:30 on a Saturday morning that he can say, "Go see if Pau Pau is awake!" (because my mom does wake up at 6:30 pretty much every day) and roll back over to go to sleep. haha!
What traditions does your culture have? I'm interested to know... | | |
| Parenting boys. Still a learning process. =)
Most say that (stay at home) moms are the ones who (generally) know the kids better. And I would say in 99% of the time, it's true. But sometimes, Simon's Jedi parenting knocks my socks off!
Cameron has been asking me to go to the beach all day. Granted, it was well into the 80s and I would have loved to have laid out on the warm sand as much as he wanted to, but I didn't think it was wise to be on the beach when an onslaught of contractions hit... nor the fact that being the size of a beached whale sizzling in the hot sun wasn't entirely appealing either. So I've spent all day trying to redirect his focus - because when he gets an idea in his head, he is not easily dissuaded.
We even went to Target for a bit to get toothpaste and meet up with Michelle, Evie and Grady and had lunch in the cafe. It seemed like his kids meal with an Icee AND crazy straw distracted him enough. But the minute we got in the car and he buckled his seatbelt, we were back to, "So, are we going to the beach now?" >_<!!
I told him we had to go home for naptime and 'maybe' afterwards if it wasn't too late, we could go. Too bad for him he actually took a long nap and slept til 5pm. As soon as he woke up and came downstairs, guess what the first question out of his mouth was?
Well, then you can only imagine the tantrums and crying and whining that ensued... for the next full hour. I'm not ashamed to admit that Pau Pau and I tried every rationalization (It'll be too dark soon to go today; why not go tomorrow instead? We can go tomorrow and have a picnic lunch...) bribe (If you stop whining and crying, I'll let you pick another treat instead... Wouldn't you like a chocolate chip cookie? How about some mochi?)... but to no avail.
I finally called in the head reinforcer to have a little talk with Cameron - Daddy. I sat STUNNED as their short conversation went something like this:
S: Cameron, what's up, buddy?
C: I REALLY want to go to the beach. NOW!
S: Cameron, you know, if you go now, it'll be late and dark soon. And monsters will come out and eat you.
(A stern look from me reminds Simon not to lie to our children and make them have nightmares.)
S: Ok, so there are no monsters, but it's just really late, Cameron.
C: NOOOO, but I REALLY want to go play in the sand at the beach. TODAY.
S: (pause for a brief second and a light bulb dings above his head) Hey! Did you get to play any Wii today?
C: (INSTANTLY stops whining, a light shines in his eyes and his whole tone of voice changes!!) No, actually I didn't!
S: Remember how the Wii wasn't working yesterday? Do you think you could help me test it out to see if it works now?
C: Oh, suuure Daddy! I can do that! (giddy with delight he can't stop dancing)
S: Ok, but then you know that means we won't have time to go to the beach today.
C: Ok, Dad! So... can I play Wii now?
=D
Clearly, I still have much to learn about the gears in the mind of a young boy. Good job, you have done, Master Yoda. | | |
| You could try to plan for everything to go right in your life, but in the span of a breath, everything can be turned upside down and inside out. And it's always when you think that things are going great, that something happens to dump you on your rearend again. Maybe you deserved it? Maybe it's divine? A lesson to be taught and learned. I guess the real test is how you react and take it in. Wisdom gained or lost?
Bedrest has been a humbling experience for me. I thought this pregnancy was going great. It had a rocky start with nausea and the swine flu (ok, minor detail), but after that first hurdle, it was smooth sailing. I picked up myself and resumed my duties as mom and wife. I felt energetic and active. I was carrying small and feeling great. Nothing stopped me.
Then all of a sudden, this happens. And while I know in the wide spectrum of things, it really isn't all that bad and I should be thankful I am not having some pregnancy troubles other women suffer, for me, this has been hard and a learning experience. Being in bed and laying down all day is not me. I am a do-er. I need to be active, mobile and doing things. The first two days were the toughest as I adjusted mentally and emotionally. I know it doesn't make all that much sense, but I felt like a failure. I wasn't able to clean and cook for my family, play with the boys, and most of all, I felt like I'd failed this baby before he was even born. He is trusting me to take care of him in the womb, and yet somehow, I hadn't done that right already. Not that I could necessarily control those early contractions, but still.
And well, now, with the latest ultrasound to see if the baby is developing on track, they've discovered that my fluid is low. What does that mean? That could mean there is something wrong with the placenta and possibly the baby is not getting the proper nutrients for growth from me. When and how did this happen? How long has it been going on? Why don't they do more ultrasounds instead of just at the 18 week? So now, even on bedrest, I have to drag myself to the doctors office to have ultrasounds and checkups every two days to see if my fluid goes up. Supposedly bedrest and drinking more fluids (I drink at least 180 oz of water per day!) should bring my fluid level up. But in one week, and it's still low. Translation?
If my fluid levels don't go up, then they will make a plan to take the baby out early. Which means he will end up in the NICU. Right now, he is approximately 4.5 lbs. (supposedly, which I don't think is right). This is because, as my doctor explained, that it is better for him to be out and getting the proper care he needs to grow, rather than inside and not. How do I hear this in my head? 'You cannot provide for your baby.' And that breaks my heart. They tell me the baby should be growing 1/2 a lb. per week. If you factor in his growth, my growth and increase of fluid (if it were happening), then I should have gained a couple pounds since last week. But my appointment yesterday yielded no growth. At all.
I know part of this manifestation of self doubt, self degradation is because if how I grew up and always viewed myself. But a large part of it is that I'm scared - terrified, really. I know in the end, I'd buck up and do whatever it takes to be there for my baby, but I know there is such a huge mental and emotional burden involved with babies in the NICU. I'm afraid I'll crack. And then I'll be back where I started - not being there for anyone.
I am thankful my mom is here to help. It has taken a great pressure of guilt off of me, knowing she is adequately providing and caring for my family in my "absence." And I am thankful for the blessing of wonderful friends who have come over to help with chores, play with the kids, give us meals. But in the end, I can't help but feel I am not doing the job I was made to do. I would take a guess and say that not many people in this world really know what their purpose in life is. I have known my purpose in life since I was a very little girl. And that is to be a loving, supportive and faithful provider and caretaker for my family. I've always known - and every choice in my life - has pointed me to what I am today - a dedicated stay at home mom and housewife. I get great joy in providing a caring and safe home for my family; cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids. It's hard for me to not be able to do that.
On top of that, I know God has given me the gift to encourage others - through acts of kindness, support, cooking, babysitting, anything I am capable of doing that would extend His love and grace to others. Simon always tells me that I give so much and sometimes, he just doesn't get it. And in college, a lot of people thought I always had alterior motives. In high school, I was made fun of for being so nice to everyone. But it is how God wired me to be. It is how He uses me to reach out to others. And being off my feet is keeping me from doing that.
It sure has been a humbling experience for me and Simon both to receive and even ask for help. It's not so much a pride thing, but partly cultural and partly just independence. When you've learned to just take care of things on your own for so long and not rely on anyone else, even when you need it, it's hard to sit back and let people serve you. I guess this is especially so if you've been the one serving others for so long.
This excerpt is not meant to boast or put myself on a pedestal. On the contrary, it's meant to highlight how fragile things can be and how quickly things in life can change. And how we need reliance. On God. On friends. On family.
So now, I literally lay and wait. Lifting my prayers to Heaven with every waking breath. Because tomorrow, everything could change with one whisper.
| | |
| Just updating...
Not much is going on in the Lam household, except that we are slowly drawing nearer to the arrival of our baby. =)
Ethan turned five recently, and it was like he really turned 30. The totally mature things that come out of his mouth make me stop in my tracks and double blink at him, wondering if he really did just turn five - only five. One day, out of nowhere, he says, "Mommy, I really appreciate that you can stay home with us and don't have to work because I enjoy spending quality time with you. And I like it when you have to work sometimes so I can spend quality time with Daddy." Doesn't it just rip your heart wide open?
Usually on bible study nights at our house, he takes an afternoon nap, so that he can last until it's over and everyone leaves (sometimes around 9pm, when his usual bedtime is 7:30 for school). He has a good friend, Luke, that comes and he enjoys playing with him. But last week, Ethan made a very mature decision. He approached me after lunch and told me, "Mommy, I think I would like to skip my nap today and instead of staying up for bible study, just go to sleep regular time." I'm shocked at this and remind him that the result of that means he doesn't get to play with Luke. He continues, "I know. But whenever I stay up late for bible study, I am really tired in the morning and have a hard time getting up for school. I'm just too cranky. So I think it's better if I just go to bed regular time." Amazing! And sure enough, that night, at 7:15, he said good night to his friends and told Luke he had to go to bed for school and went upstairs to shower and get ready for bed.
I can see him starting to really grow into his big brother role, taking care of Cameron and being more aware of his little brother's feelings. It makes me stop what I'm doing and just watch them, marvel at how far they've come in the short three and a half years they've been together.
Cameron, too, is beginning to move onto his next stage in life. We've been working on all kinds of independent things with the anticipated arrival of the baby. Our morning routine is getting faster and faster, now that he brushes and washes up himself and can change on his own. I guess it wasn't really a matter if he could do it before - he could - but not I can trust him to do it well - which is an entirely different story. He can be a bit lazy, having been the baby for so long and things done for him. But he also puts on his own sneakers and buckles himself in now, which makes a huge difference in getting out the door.
Almost every day, I do penmanship practice with them. Ethan has always been neat, but lately has gotten sloppy. So this helps corral him in and focus his attention when doing schoolwork. Cameron has always been wild! He's known how to write his name for quite awhile now, but it's all over the place. So we're working on upper case and lower case, using blue-middle dotted-red penmanship paper (remember those sheets?) His handwriting has improved drastically! He has the potential; he just needs to be pointed in the right direction. Don't we all?
Recently, I've had a string of random stranger approach me and congratulate me on having a girl. I kind of take a second to just stare at them, and then laugh and say, "No, actually, it's another boy." At first, it was kind of funny, but now that it's been going on for almost two weeks, I'm starting to get a little annoyed and anxious. What is the ultrasound was wrong? Really, what are the chances of that? A cashier the other day gave me the most doubtful arched eyebrow look and swore she is never, ever wrong and has guessed correctly on every single one of her friends' and relatives' babies. Not that I'd go by total strangers... but could it be...? I think I really need to ask my OB for another ultrasound.
Not that I'm not excited to have another boy. I've totally been excited this whole pregnancy and have been at peace that I'm just not meant to have girls. But at one junction in my life, I really, really, really wanted a girl. And maybe these strangers have hit a nerve, a small twinge of hope, vibrating deep inside. I feel like I need some kind of "closure" to this madness before this baby is born. I don't want to go into my labor and delivery with even the smallest itch of hope that it could be a girl. I just want to be sure. And plus, the OCD side of me just really needs to take the tags off the onesies, bibs, burp cloths, etc... and wash them before the baby arrives! They're all completely boy print right now. If it turns out to be a girl - why! I need to go exchange lots of stuff pronto!
In the past two weeks though, my belly has dropped significantly, which may be why people think it's a girl. I can't ignore the fact that my waist has completely disappeared either - something that never happened with either boy even up until the point of delivery. It could just be that everything is a little looser and more spread out. I've been taking things slower and being careful not to overextend myself. It hasn't really stopped me per se from doing anything though.
Just yesterday, I cleaned the entire house from top to bottom. While the Swiffer Jet is nice for in between cleanings, I like to get on my hands and knees and scrub the floors the old fashioned way. So, yesterday afternoon, Mr. Clean and I had a date - me decked out in my hot pink gloves, clutching my fashionable blue bucket. It wasn't so bad because my belly could easily rest on my lap. But boy, do we have a lot of baseboards! I also vacuumed the whole house, scrubbed all the bathrooms (even the showers, even though it's super hard to reach the bottom with a belly in the way), washed all the rugs and bath mats, and washed some more of Simon's dress shirts. Oh yeah, I've also taken to ironing at least 5 of Simon's dress shirts per day. (He's only got about 50! So I figure at this rate, maybe I'll have them all washed and pressed at least once before the baby arrives!) I was supposed to fold laundry after the kids were in bed, but my body had other plans and I passed out on the couch.
And well, now, it is time for me and the boys to go to a playdate... Au revoir! 'Til next time Xanga afficionados!
ps. One of my goals by the time I'm 30 is to have read all of the Jodi Picoult novels. I'm halfway there and my wonderful husband just got me the other half of the novels I haven't read yet. I'm so excited!
pps. When I catch it and am awake enough, I've seen a few episodes of this season's Dancing with the Stars. Kate, very disappointing, but all the plastic surgery is impressively nice - just enough but not over the top. Nicole, can I have a body like that after I give birth??? Please?!
| | |
|
